As Asians, it is completely normal to move in with the parents-in-law after marriage. This is because, in our culture, the eldest sons are always in charge of taking care of their parents, along with their wives. Here are some of the advantages and disadvantages of living with your in-laws.
The Pros
- Children will know their grandparents
It would be good if the children get to form close relationships with their grandparents. Most modern families only go back to their hometowns during the holidays and that’s the only time the children get to spend some time with their grandparents.
- You’ll get parenting help and advice
The early days of parenting for new parents can be very tough and it will do you some good to stay with the in-laws. Most grandparents are more than willing to look after your children for you. Having your mother-in-law with you would save you a lot of trouble as she’s been through it before.
- Babysitter available at all times
When you live with the in-laws, that means you can resume your working life without worrying about your baby being in the hands of a stranger. You’ll be able to sleep in peace at night, knowing someone will be there for your baby if they wake up crying in the middle of the night.
- More help, less burden
Having your in-laws around would also mean extra sets of hands to help out with the household chores. At least someone is going to do the cooking and the cleaning while you and your husband are away at work. That gives you more time to enjoy some rest.
- Financial benefits
Nothing is cheap nowadays and living with your in-laws can help you save a lot of money. With them taking care of your child and the chores, you would be able to save money on childcare and eating out.
The Cons
- No privacy
Living with the in-laws would mean no public display of affection allowed even in your own home or chilling in the living room with your shorts on while enjoying some beer on the weekend. Constantly not being able to have some privacy or space to be yourself can be a psychological burden to carry.
- Unsolicited lessons or advice
Advice can come in handy whenever it is needed. However, that isn’t the case when your mother-in-law is always breathing down your neck. You’ll be receiving lots of unwanted advice on how you’re supposed to eat, how much sleep you need, how you should dress or behave and more. It can get worse when the generation gap and difference in living experience causes their advice to not be applicable to every situation you’re in.
- Tension between mother and daughter-in-law
When your mother-in-law has had experience in taking care of a family and a household, they feel superior and may find things to criticise in everything you do. To please her, you probably won’t be able to do things the way you want any longer. It can be easy for your in-laws to interfere in your life when you’re living together, but this will cause emotions to rise.
- Disagreements over how you should raise your children
Having your in-laws around to help with parenting duties might come with a lot of uncalled-for advice on how you should raise your children based on her experience. However, what your mother-in-law experienced from a few decades ago may not be applicable to today’s standards. Due to this, relationships can become stressful and broken when living in the same house.
For more similar articles, please visit Motherhood.com.my.