People through the times have had many ideas and practices about love. Among the earliest bonds of love that form among human beings is between a mother and her newborn baby.
According to Dr Gary Chapman and Dr Ross Campbell in their book The 5 Love Languages of Children, there are a total of five “languages” or ways that love is defined, desired and provided by the parent to “tell” the child that she loves the child in a way he or she understands. We will examine and explain the five languages of love between a mother and her children.
1.Words of Affirmation
The first love language is Words of Affirmation, where people communicate with words to influence their family member. Speaking compliments and praises are especially effective on people who understand this form of language as their main love language but negative or disrespectful talk may be extra hurtful to them too. Simple words of affirmation such as “I’m so proud of you”, or “You look so smart today”, will make a child feel happy and loved.
2. Acts of Service
The second love language is Acts of Service. This means the same as the saying “actions speak louder than words” and people who have this as their main love language prefer that love be expressed in behaviors. Between mother and child, this could mean mothers playing with their children, giving them a shower or cooking food for them. One point to note is that most parents will have to “do” all these things for their children anyway. But conducting an “act of service” means cooking their favourite chocolate dessert rather than just cooking a meal to feed them.
3. Receiving Gifts
Another love language is Receiving Gifts. This entails people giving gifts and items to their intended recipient. If this is a child’s main love language, then their mother could give toys or snacks to them. This could be interpreted as being materialistic but how meaningful the gift is to the child is more important than how much money was involved in getting the gift. If your child likes cars and you get them a limited edition blue car, it is much more valuable than buying an expensive video game.
4. Quality Time
Yet another love language is Quality Time, where people devote time and attention to their partner exclusively. Simply being physically present or being distracted from their loved one isn’t enough. People need to put all their attention on each other for this to work. This activity can be passive (mother and child taking a nap together) or active (a mother reading a story book to her child). Children with Quality Time as their main love language would love being the center of attention of their mother.
5. Physical Touch
The fifth love language is Physical Touch. For these people, physical contact is the most important way of demonstrating love. Physical contact could mean a kiss, a massage, a cuddle or simply a hug. Children with Physical Touch as their main love language may be showered with gifts or sung praise, but it wouldn’t be as effective and meaningful as having physical contact with their mother.
Which Language Fits Your Child?
These are the five love languages as presented in the book. Though it helps in other relationships such as between romantic partners, between colleagues and friends, and in many other relationships, these ideas of love can help people socialize better with each other and nurture a more loving and healthy relationship between parents and their children.
For more stories on communicating with your child, visit Motherhood.com.my.