Postpartum depression is never a joke. It could happen to any new mother. A husband role is important in preventing postpartum depression from becoming worse which in some cases, would be fatal.
Given birth to a newborn gives out mix feeling. Happy, excited, worry and fear all jumble up in once. This is the time where hormones are trying to relax to be normal again after nine months of turbulence.
In other words, as much as she is happy to have a newborn, she’s also worry and fear of what is happening. She’s doubting herself if she is ever a good mother.
All these fear and anxiety though normal but it needs to be taken care properly before it leads to something more serious; depression.
Symptoms of Postpartum Depression
There is a condition that is called baby blues that is common to a new mother. It is where the mother is having mood swing at first or second day and eventually the feeling will go away shortly.
The irritability may include anxiety, sadness, crying, overwhelms and sleeps trouble. Though it is common, it also could lead to postpartum depression if not treated.
It may sound similar but postpartum depression is different from baby blues as it is more intense and could affect the ability to resume life including taking care of the baby.
The mother would feel hopeless, helpless and worthless and all these feelings are not normal. You could assume a mother is having a postpartum depression based on these symptoms:
- Excess crying
- Avoiding to feed the baby
- Love to be alone
- Insomnia or sleep too much
- Decreased libido
- Fatigue
- Mood swing
- Decreased in willing to live
Some mother experience more intense symptoms including panic attack, severe anxiety and hard to think logically. Postpartum depression is a serious condition and if not treated early, the mother has the tendency to harm herself or the baby.
The Importance of Husband’s Support in Preventing Postpartum Depression
Depression after birth is a serious issue that will not only affect the mother but the marriage entirely. Living with a depressed spouse, the husband might be affected too.
He will keep on questioning himself how could he fix this situation? How could I make her feels better?
But, the truth is, he could never fix it. Don’t burden yourself. Stop trying to be in charge.
Instead, what the husband could do is to go through this situation together. You might think that if you provide everything that she needs or try to make her happy, things will go better.
But it is not because it is a one-way effort and husbands are not immune to depression. This is a situation that needs to be faced together.
Men tend to keep things to themselves until a time it explodes. It won’t be healthy for the relationship. What is important is to find the root of the problem.
Take a step back and think about what happened and what could be the cause of the depression. This way you might see the way out.
Above all, communication is the key. During this hard time, communicating is hard but it heals.
Talking about what is bothering you is actually chasing the pain away and you too could get a picture of what your partner is feeling.
It is a way to support each other by understands each other. Share your concern and keep the intimacy going.
Stay positive and remember, as long as you are seeking professional help, these things are just temporary and will eventually go away because depression could be cured.
The Husband’s Role to Prevent Post-Partum Depression
THINGS TO DO
a. Share the housework
Housework should be done together. Your wife might do the laundry and you could do the house cleaning.
You two could each take turn on feeding the baby at night as the baby need to be fed every two hours. Have some expressed milk supply and move according to schedule.
Sharing the housework would create a great bonding between you two because it will make you feel dependent and independent at the same time.
b. Schedule work out sessions together
Study shows working out have the same effect as the medication for a depression patient. Hence, spare some times to exercise together. Bring the baby and stroll around the neighbourhood if you have too. It must be fun!
c. Prepare high nutrition meals
Food that is nutritious for our body will help to maintain our mood. Do enhance healthy eating habit in the family as it is not only good for the body, but also for baby’s milk later.
d. Express your gratitude
Some man finds it hard to say thank you even for the smallest of things which to the contrary, a woman, on the other hand, loves to be complimented.
Try to change this kind of mindset and start to express your gratitude to every improvement that she has done even it is below the expectation.
As long as she is willing to move from her comfort zone, she is actually getting better.
THINGS NOT TO DO/SAY
a. Being too intimate
One of the effects of depression is it could decrease libido. Keep the intimacy around but if she is not ready, do not push her. Remember, she is getting herself ready and a little patience is actually a big help.
b. Dismiss her feelings
Sometimes as a listener. you might start to feel annoyed, thinking that she is just a whiner. You might think that all that she does is complaining and you begin to dismiss her feelings.
This is wrong in so many ways. She might not be entirely right, but she is already a cracked glass that you don’t want to break. Try to handle with care.
c. Stop asking her to relax
Relax would be the first thing she could do if she can. But the fact is, she can’t. She is surrounded by all negative thinking that she could possibly think. Sometimes, a long and big hug is sufficient to calm the anxiety.
All in all, postpartum depression is a serious mental illness that needs to be prevented early. When the mother is feeling hopeless and helpless, the father could play a big role in giving support.
Do not afraid to express your concern, which is what she needed the most. Forget about all the expensive presents, all she needs is for you to be present.